People Pleaser Vegan Chili

I love chili. It has infinite variety, from mild to pants-searingly spicy, and you can put almost anything in there and enjoy the heck out of it. It's the perfect camping food (I always feel like an old timey cowboy when I'm eating chili around a campfire.)

It's also super easy to make a really rich and hearty chili that's so delicious, the family won't even notice it's vegan- which is really helpful at potlucks, family get togethers and any time people gather in large groups to eat and to also silently judge your eating habits and lifestyle choices.

ALSO- note that I don't use any soy or fake meat in this recipe. Many other chili recipes simply sub shite quality TVP or something in place of the dead animals. I find that it bloats me out and gives me brutal indigestion. This is all natural, baby! Beans or nuthin.

YOU WILL NEED:

a crockpot (large) or a large thick-bottomed (hurrhurr) pot you can simmer on the stove for a few hours.
a frying pan
standard cooking oil of choice (not sesame)

ingredients:

• 1 large white onion
• 4-40 cloves of garlic, depending on taste. I usually settle for around 6. vampires beware. 
• 1 lb of cremini mushrooms. divided into two. (the packs at the shops usually are half a pound which is super convenient. Get the pre sliced ones, life is short). 
• 1 19oz can of black beans, drained and rinsed. 
• 1 19 oz can of kidney beans, drained and double rinsed- kidney bean juice is bad for the tummy.
• 1 19 oz can of chickpeas. 
• 1 large can of diced tomatoes OR 6-8 diced tomatoes, depending on size. 
• 1 can of tomato paste 
• 1 large can of crushed tomatoes 
• 1 cup of corn niblets
• 1 diced red pepper 
• 1 can of dark beer- I used to use Guinness, but any stout will do. 
• 1 whole chipotle pepper (available in Kensington market) 
• 1tsp liquid smoke
• 1T vegan worchestershire sauce (the regular stuff has anchovy in it- beware!) 
• 1 T of cayenne powder
• 2T of chili powder 
• 2T of cumin powder
• 1 T of celery salt 
• a dash of oregano
• 1 cinnamon stick
• a healthy grind of pepper
• salt to taste
• a couple of chopped spring onions for garnish
• corn chips for dipping and munching 
• guacamole for complete decadence as a topping. 

OPTIONAL: a cup of diced or shredded carrots. Because carrots are sweet, they can do well to offset the spice.

PROCESS: turn on Ye Olde Crockpot and get it started heating on high.

1. dice the onions and garlic sauté them in a little cooking oil or vegetable broth until translucent. Sprinkle a pinch of salt over them as you go to draw out the moisture in them. 
2. take one half of the cremini mushrooms and dice them finely and add them to the onions and cook for about 4 minutes.  Leave the other half as thinly sliced pieces. 
3. put the whole shebang into the slow cooker. 
4. throw every other damned thing into the slow cooker as well. Make sure to sample the beer for deliciousness. 
5. wait 6 hours. 
6. turn it down to low. You can eat it now if you are dying of hunger, or let it burble for another 2 hours on low. If you're really organised, you'll be making this a day in advance- everyone knows chili is better the second day.
7. Find a campfire, dish out some chili and mind the varmints.